Blog Post
8th December 2018
Dr Jim’s Blog: Couple relationships and the problem of
abuse...
~~~
In this blog post, I want to present the core of a case
study from my recent book on How
to Build a Successful Relationship, as follows:
Debby D came to see me, in my office, on a cold, wet
November morning. She looked undernourished, pale and sad. She told me that her partner, Tom, had
refused to come with her. Indeed, he
objected so much to the idea of couple’s therapy, and verbally abused her to
such a degree, that she had promised not to proceed. But she had come to see me anyway, because
she was desperate. She and Tom had been
together for ten years, and there had been trouble from the start. He treated her horribly, criticizing her
approach to housekeeping, and her makeup.
He frightened her so much that she had started biting her nails. Then she developed an obsessive-compulsive urge
to scrub her hands until they bled.
I explored her history of relationships, working backwards
from Tom, via two other serious relationships; and back to her relationship
with her mother and father; and her parents’ relationship with each other. Every single one of them had been abusive!
Debby wanted me to show her how to make Tom be more
reasonable. It took a few sessions for
me to get to the point of using the ‘Best Friend Question’ with her:
“Debby”, I said.
“Suppose your best friend had exactly the same problem. She came from a disturbed family background;
she had three difficult relationships, in which her partner was verbally
abusive with her; what would you advise your best friend to do?”
“Kick him out!” said Debby, without a moment’s pause.
I then asked her: “If that seems to be the right solution
for your best friend, is it also perhaps the solution for you and Tom?”
At this suggestion ...
For more, please take a look at my latest blog post, here: https://abc-counselling.org/2018/12/08/couple-relationships-and-abusive-behaviour/
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